I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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