Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
