possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
