Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
