i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
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Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
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Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
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