Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
