not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize