I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
