that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
