I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
