There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
