I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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