we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
