I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
