Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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