She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
