On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
