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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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