Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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