You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
