Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I skipped work to stalk him.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
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In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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