We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Randomize
