We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
