my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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