you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
