soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
