Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
