I saw his package. It spoke to me.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
