At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
