he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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