I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
