he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
