what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
