cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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