The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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