first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
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