my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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