So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
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Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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