i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Randomize
