I just threw up on my dentist
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
