No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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