How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
