Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
