i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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