you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
