Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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