I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize
