ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
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i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
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The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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