Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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