Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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