bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
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