She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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