sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
