Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.