There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
