he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Randomize
