I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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