So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize