"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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