you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I have grass duct taped all over my body
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
