i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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