I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
