i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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