Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
