I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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