i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize