You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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