Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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