and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize
