Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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