you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
