I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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