I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Randomize
