I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
The air was thick with penises
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
