what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize