No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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