made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
