some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
