that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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