He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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